That script just needs some gay pirates

Roomie1: I'm not going to lie. I didn't like the movie until the gay pirates showed up. They really made the movie for me.

Just like Britney

Roomie 1: Did you hear about Britney Spears?! She left the house WITHOUT pants on!

Roomie 2: So? You've come home without pants on before...

Roomie 1: Damnit

Did you remember to wash your hands?

Conversation about 3 minutes after leaving the house for a walk with the dogs...

Roomie 1: Uh Oh.

Roomie 2: What?!

Roomie 1: I forgot to pee this morning.

Roomie 2: (laughing incredulously) what?!

Roomie 1: Yeah. I mean. I went to the bathroom and put my contacts in...but you were already up so i got distracted and forgot to pee.

Birthday!

Roomie 2: Let me get this straight. You are upset because my birthday is NOT going to be crappy?

Roomie 1: No. I'm upset that I won't be able to turn your crappy birthday into a good day...

Roomie 2: You could just make it better...

Roomie 1: Or I could ruin it first and then i'd be able to turn your crappy birthday into a good one.

Don't threaten to take away Man Cards...it will bite you in the ass

Roomie #2's Dad: (To Roomie #1): IF you can't find the train, i'm taking away your woman card.

Friend Crush

Roomie 1: You totally have a friend crush on her...

Roomie 2: Yeah, thats right. I totally want to date her...

Roomie 1: No that would be a real crush...you have a friend crush...like you know when you meet someone and she is soooo cool and you just think they'd be fun to hang out with but you don't think they'd ever talk to you because they are just that cool? You know, like when you first met me - that is the feeling...

Roomie 1: I'm so depressed! I"ve just discovered my boobs are Cs not Bs

Roomie 2: So...they are the exact same boobs you had and loved yesterday. Only now you aren't delusional by thinking they are Bs.

Roomie 1: No! Yesterday I loved them because they were Bs. Now they are too big because they are Cs.

Roomie 2: They are the exact same boobs you had yesterday!

Roomie 1: I know i sound crazy...but yesterday it was ok to love them because they were Bs. I need a boob reduction now.

Roomie 2: Arrgh!