office politics

Roomie 2: Every one is here and we are talking about retard kids.  awesome.

Roomie 1: And yet again, I'm SO jealous of your job!

Running for president

Roomie 2: see, you could be president...

Roomie 1: Yay! All you need is to be a beauty pageant winner with no experience! Let's destroy our national resources! yay!

Roomie 2:  You have to be opposed to anything good in the world and carry a gun...

Roomie 1: I'm so going to go republican and win the nomination...let's kill puppies! Yay!  And I think the second amendment guarantees our right to club baby seals! Yay!

Roomie 2:  We are definitely allowed to carry clubs...just not numchucks...

Roomie 1: I think i'm going to invest in a billy club...

male escorts

Roomie 1: I can be the alcoholic slutty single girl at any function except HER wedding.  I have to have a date for that.  Preferably one who is a compulsive liar and won't have any problem pretending we are madly in love.

at least you have a sense of humor about it

The roomies' friend's husband was attacked while riding his bike near roomies' house...friend sent an email telling them what happened...

Bikerchick: The cop suggested it was because he was wearing a red jersey. I can absolutely see how that crackhead would have confused him for a rival gangmember. Yeah, I hate it when those crazy gangmembers start bike commuting with giant reflector bags, ankle straps, and blinky lights -- just terrorizing the streets

Bikerchick: Then the cop suggested that he should have done a citizen's arrest (LOL x100). ::punch, punch:: "Hey!" ::punch:: "Stop that!" ::kick:: "Okay, I didn't want to have to do this, but...citizen's arrest!" [attacker cowers in fear]

packing efficiently

Friend: I'm picking out clothes we can both wear in the DR.

Roomie 1: Awesome. I won't need to pack anything.

Friend: Well, you should pack your own underwear.

Roomie 1: Yeah. I got that. I was plannig on bringing my own underwear.

Wednesday sounds awesome

Friend: First, I'd like it to be wednesday so I can get naked and let a stranger rub me with oil. Then I'd like it to be saturday.

seeks athletic male

Study Partner: What are you girls going to do tonight?

Roomie 2: go over community property and watch so you think you can dance.

Roomie 1: I"m going to fake a bike accident on the trail and try to get a date