don't all BFFs have an anthem?

Friend:  I think maybe our new bffship anthem should be the jumper by third eye blind, because we're often talking each other off the ledge.  Only I've changed some lyrics to more accurately reflect our friendship.  For example, instead of, "if you do not want to see me again I would understand, " I've amended that to say "I will hunt you down."  There are other amendments too but that's prob. the most important!

Ebola IS making a comeback

Friend:  This morning i thought i might have ebola, because my nose was bleeding.  And I thought to myself , woowoo, nose, eyeballs next.  It's over.

Lent

Friend: What did you give up for lent this year?

Roomie 1:  I gave up cinnamon rolls and chips.  For about one milisecond i considered no alcohol and then was like "woah woah woah! lets not get drastic!"

this is why real mail is awesome

Roomie 1 received a late valentines day card from her friend....

the card says:  when we are together, words are unnecessary....much like pants!  (and it is a picture of two monkeys without pants on...)

Friend says:  

This card is awesome on so many levels.  I made sure the friend monkey had swoopy bangs, you know, so it captures my "hair essence."  But I would NEVER dye my hair blue...Anyways, we've definitely gone on vacay sans pants, so this card is accurate.

I'm so not getting the deportation job.  Bush league.  This economy deserves a nice hard cock punch.  Because we are so clearly fabulous and deserving of jobs (lawyer jobs and not babysitting and retail).  I bought this for you on Valentine's day.  It was like the gimpy tree that Linus bought in the Charlie Brown Xmas, but it's effing hilarious.  Not a left over.  So really, this card is a metaphor for us.  We should've been bought already but for God knows why we are a leftover card for someone awesome to buy.  Which brings me to my next point, let's go back to the dominican or some other tropical place and spend our days (on the lamb for defaulting on our loans) laying on the beach trying not to get kidnapped to a 3rd world country where we'd be sold into white slavery.

I miss you.  Jack!  S-S-S-So---C-C-C-Cold!  J-J-Jack!  It's snowing 4-8 inches tonight which is total BS.  If we're ever drowning in the ocean and you don't share your life raft, I will die just so I can come back and haunt you.   I will always share my life raft, unless you have ebola.  Then you're dying anyways and I don't want to get that shit.  Your eyes bleed. Eeew.  

I should never have left (California).  This sucks camel balls.  I miss you!

so that is the secret to winning!

Security guy: Yeah, they didn't set up toilets for us so Astana let us use their bus!

Roomie 1: Awesome! Did you get some souveniers?

Security guy: no. I didn't even know where to start.  The bus was completely packed with that warming gel stuff...what's it called?  Oh! KY Jelly!

Roomie 1: HAHAHA.  KY Jelly! Awesome! So that is how they get their legs so shiny!

Other guy:  Uh, you are thinking of something different...they don't use KY to warm up their legs

Roomie 1: So they don't use KY yours and mine?

Sexy Beast

Roomie 1: (belches indelicately)

Roomie 2: Apparently it is NOT possible to contain so much sexiness in one body.

good point

Roomie 1: Are you putting makeup on to go to the grocery store to buy vodka so we can come back and drink in the hotel room.

Roomie 2: Yes.

Roomie 1: Um...Ok...

Roomie 2: You never know who is going to be there!

Roomie 1: True, but I do know that whoever is there, you won't talk to them anyway.

Roomie 2: Damnit.