Dear government

Friend: "Dear government: stop saying we're going to be okay.  It's not going to be okay unless you hire my friend.  And me.  We both need jobs. You keep saying you're making jobs, but you're not giving them to us.  We're starting to feel like you're liars."

Roomie 1:  Government, I don't mean to call you a liar, but...how do i put this delicately....you are a fucking lying sack of shit and I don't trust you.

Friend: Dear government, hey, it's been an hour since my last letter....not sure if you didn't get it.  I'm starting to feel like you don't care about me...

Roomie 1:  Government?  are you screening your calls?  You haven't picked up the last 10 times!!!  Government? I just want to talk to you....

Friend: Government, you keep saying that there is hope, but i'm having a hard time with that...see, you keep giving money to the banks.  And the thing is, the banks have fucked up.  I haven't done anything wrong.  I didn't waste my money.  I spend as responsibly as i can with my dwindling bank account.  I went to school.  I got good grades....I graduated.  And I've been applying for jobs, but no one can hire me because the economy is for shit.  So what I need is for you to either A) pay off my loans, no strings attached, B) give me a job that will pay my bills, C) stop saying the world is not ending.  It is.

Friend:  Government?  Are you there? Seriously, did you move to switerland?  DId you disappear to the caribbean? did you go on a trip with the banks you've just bailed out?  I know that's what they are doing with the money....look government, I don't mean to sound ungrateful but you're an asshole.  Government, I'm going to tell everyone you're bad in bed.  That's right.  I went there. You FAIL to satisfy.  I FAKED it EVERYTIME i said i was satisfied.