Stop Drop and Roll!

While searching through old emails/chats, Roomie 1 found some interesting conversations which just had to be posted on this site...they were too good to ignore.

Friend: fyi. your job friday may be to prevent me from pushing Overachiever onto the grill.

Roomie 1: Ok. I"ll be designated "hold me back" girl.

Friend: I'm so tempted to call him and be like "bring me back your orange shirt. Don't bother showing up on thursday or friday."

Roomie 1: If you do that, he will just talk shit about you.

Friend:  What if I kick him in the balls by accident? Like I feel like i'm falling and I accidently swing my leg up like oops! Balls!  Would that be wrong?

Roomie 1: No, I can't see anything wrong with that.

Friend: Or, oops! I bumped into you and happened to knock you into a grill filled with hot coals! oh my god! I'm so sorry! I fell!

Roomie 1: I could totally drop something in front of you for you to trip on.

Friend: YES!

Roomie 1: Oh my god! Friend are you okay?!?? I'm so sorry! I ACCIDENTALLY dropped that try of hotdogs right in front of you.  Oh, f@*!, Overachiever! What happened?

Friend: Yeah I'm okay Roomie 1.  I think I skinned my palms though...oh, Overachiever...you are actually on fire! Thats not good! Stop drop and roll!

Speaking About a Co-worker

Background: Co-worker from down the hallway makes horrible nasally scream/wail sound

Roomie 2: Blankety-blank is a fucking mutant

Hot Guy: Ugh. He's too gay to function.

at least you remember me!

Creeper: Hey! I remember you now. You are the pretty girl I took to the foundation room...

Roomie 1: Yeah. That was me.

Creeper: You texted your friend because you thought I was going to kill you...

Roomie 1: Yeah. Thanks for not burying me in the desert!

You NUN!

Roomie 1: She is a really good friend...except she wouldn't sleep with someone to help me get a job or even to get me out of jail...

Gay-be: What?? I'd totally do that for a friend.

Roomie 1: I KNOW! Thank you! Me too!  I"m all about taking one for the team.

Gay-be: That whore.

Roomie 1: Yeah...except, you know, not a whore...

Gay-be: That NUN! 

New way to pass time

Hot guy: let's piss on it together...i'll hold you upright

Maybe this is why they don't hire you...

Roomie 1: Meh. Showering is for people with jobs.

Death by stupidity

Roomie 1: i am SO cold...SO SO COLD....jjjjjjaaacckk...that cold

Roomie 2: that is pretty cold...why don't you turn on the heater?

Roomie 1: i thought i did...but it is still cold

...

Roomie 1: when they find my corpsicle, you can show them this IM chat and they will write "COD - complete moron who couldn't operate the heating system"

And that is for leaning too close to my chair...

Friend: i also just considered farting at my cousin...Like genuinely thought, "should i lean tot he side and fart towards his head since he's leaning down by the dog behind my chair?"

New title to this blog

Friend: incidentally, i feel the blog should be changed to "stupid stuff my unemployed friend and i say to each other across the 2000 mile abyss that so wrongly separates us"

fighting fair

Friend: um, while bickering with a 13 year old i put my fingers in my ears and went "LALALALA  I CAN'T HEAR YOU!!! LA LA LA LA!!! NOBODY CARES WHAT YOURE SAYING!!!"

that, my friend, is how we roll in fairy tale land.

New Career Path

Roomie 1: I will apply to ICE (immigration cop) if you do...although I'd be the WORST ice cop EVER!  I'd be like "run forest, run!" as I trip my partner...

Friend: Haha. you'd be like, "look, I know you meant well pedro, so just just run!!!"

Roomie 1: Vamanos! Andale!  

Friend: And then I'd be like "look, jefe, if you don't habla my lingidy, that is not my fault, but if you try to vamanos, I will shoot you in the head."

Super Secret Double Back Way

Roomie 1: Let me show you a shortcut. I mean, we might get lost, but you might be like, "Whoa!"