so not at all the same...?

after recounting respective debauchery...

roomie: we are awesome. we are totally sex and the city. minus the money. and friends.

selfish is as selfish does

Co-worker: Will you be my friend now?

Roomie: I expect all my friends to buy me lunch at least once a week...

Co-worker: I do too! We can trade off.

Roomie: I'm sorry. I simply cannot be friends with people who are as selfish as I am.

Dengue Fever!

roomie: OH NO! I hav ALL the symptoms of Dengue fever! Well, minus the rash but I AM itchy! FML.

Friend: can you hide a key so I can still stay at your place?