and your voice is felonious

Roomie 1: "he said I had an excellent misdemeanor when I spoke..."

Roomie 2: you are committing crimes already?

Genius!

Un-Roomie: "Accidentally Brilliant!"

Goatland?

Roomie 1: I'm hungry.

Roomie 2: (opens purse) I'm sorry.

Roomie 1: OOH! do you have tofu in there?

Roomie 2: No. All i have is a la bou card.

Roomie 1: Is it edible?

Roomie 2: Not unless your family comes from goats

Roomie 1: Naw. we're british.

WebMD

Roomie 1: I think I have aquagenic pruritis....

Roomie 2: That sounds deadly.

Post-its

Excerpt from note by Roomie 1 to Roomie 2: Please disregard the blood on the kitchen floor.

Work...

Roomie 1: I got my very first prostitute!

Roomie 2: YAY!!!

appointment

Roomie 1: I don't know what time my appointment is tomorrow...

Roomie 2: Great. After you just told me I could delete the message from the doctor...

Roomie 1: Yeah...I know...

Roomie 2: Didn't they give you a card?

Roomie 1: Oh yeah! they did! .............................................. um...have you seen it around somewhere?

kisses!

Roomie 1: You don't need to lick me after you've eaten venison...

Positive Thinking

Looking into mirror: DAMN! That's tasty! I wanna piece of me!

Vacation

Roomie 1: Um, why does the whole house smell like pee?

Roomie 2: It does?

Roomie 1: ......

Doctors in the house!

Watching Grey's last night and the uterus of a patient did something funky...

Roomie 1: Oh MY GOD! your uterus can erupt? EEEWW. Reason 1 billion why you shouldn't do labor
Roomie 2: You should write that book. Reason 1: It hurts. Reason 2: Your uterus can erupt.

Ass Cookie

Eww....Can I have another one?

Finals

Boss: How are finals going.
Roomie 1: uh...pretty well i think.
Boss: How many do you have left.
Roomie 1: oh. uh. 4.
Boss: (laughs) then yeah. they probably can't be going poorly at this point. you have them all left.

we require renters to have doctors

Klassy

I know, I know. I'm Classy with a K

roomie 1: i know i know. Even though i know how crappy the donut is, i still want it...you know what i mean?

roomie 2: uh....

booty crack!

roomie 1 (bending over - ass crack showing): Do you like my ass?
roomie 2: I do. I live for the moments when i get to see your booty crack...fortunately i never have to wait that long...

oh burn!

"relationship? this is more like a retardationship..."