Some people are just meant to be in relationships. And then there is me.

Roomie: Date = Success. Therefore I'm panicking and no longer want to be in a relationship.

Friend: Fart.

Friend: In his presence.

Roomie:I farted loudly. I"m doing everything wrong and he is still smitten.

Friend: Maybe start texting a lot? Talk about marriage and children? Or inheritance, I once used that with much successs to scare a guy off.

Roomie: I brought up babies. He won't scare! He is super nice but wtf is he doing with me? I'm gonna have to up my game. Its time for a love fern.

Friend: He has got to have a dark secret. He can't be that nice.

Roomie: He used to grow pot but that hardly is enough to be a "dark secret"

Friend: Yeah, that is like saying he picks his nose a little bit in the morning.

danger zone!

friend discusses inappropriate relationships with another friend (half squat)...

friend: we're on the highway to the danger zone.

friend: make that the autobahn to the danger zone.

half squat: hahaha, sesly. my situation has evolved into a by candlelight situation, not an in the elevator situation. my boss told me he loves me. but i didn't interpret it as an "i wanna be on you" profession.

friend: maybe it's an "i wanna be on you until death or another woman do us part" profession.