Friend: Whore. It will assign you to a district. I"m district 2, because I"m a winner.
Roomie: Psh. I"ll be the nucelar district so I can surprise rejoin and fucking nuke all dem bitches.
---10 minutes later---
Roomie: You bitches thought I was dead. But I wasn't dead. I was hiding underground stockpiling nuclear weapons and now you ALL are gonna pay. Big mistake letting me live. Huge.
----
Roomie: So suck it capitol! "IT" being my enormous cock which was in no way diminished by my long term exposure to radiation.
---
Roomie: Unrelated to my enormous unradiated hypothetical cock...I"m trying to buy nonvegan food drunk.
Friday, April 29, 2011
Hypothetically an ass
Roomie: also, in reviewing my texts from last night, i'm a hypothetical asshole/tyrant...
Friend: also, apparently you have a hypothetical nuclear penis.
Friend: also, apparently you have a hypothetical nuclear penis.
Monday, April 25, 2011
Half Blanche. Half sophia. Wholly awesome.
Friend: Whatever. I'm just a hideous pos and am going to die miserable and alone. nbd.
Roomie: I"ll be alone with you!
Friend: Can I at least be Blanche? You can be Sophia.
Roomie: Can we split each one halvsies? Since you are sad you can have Blanche for now I guess.
Friend: We can go halvsies. We are both half sophia and half blanche
Roomie: We are good, caring, compromising sluts.
Friend: True, it's amazing we're single.
Roomie: I"ll be alone with you!
Friend: Can I at least be Blanche? You can be Sophia.
Roomie: Can we split each one halvsies? Since you are sad you can have Blanche for now I guess.
Friend: We can go halvsies. We are both half sophia and half blanche
Roomie: We are good, caring, compromising sluts.
Friend: True, it's amazing we're single.
Celebrity life coaches
Roomie: Mel Gibson is a crazy bitch
Friend: For real. But he's so good in certain movies. like Patriot, signs, lethal weapon.
Roomie: But then he went crazy.
Friend: Right. I'm going to choose to believe he died.
Roomie: Speaking of crazy, Lilo is a mess and I think it is time she plays the evil twin card - you know the twin from parent trap.
Friend: Yes! That would be fucking amazing! She should pull a Britbrit and rando bust out an accent. Eliza dolittle. That would be legit.
Roomie: She can blame all this on the twin. Say they never should have sent her to boarding school in England, and then cry about her drug addict sister ruining her life. BAM. Instant career rehabilitation.
Friend: OR commitment. Either way, it's an improvement.
Friend: For real. But he's so good in certain movies. like Patriot, signs, lethal weapon.
Roomie: But then he went crazy.
Friend: Right. I'm going to choose to believe he died.
Roomie: Speaking of crazy, Lilo is a mess and I think it is time she plays the evil twin card - you know the twin from parent trap.
Friend: Yes! That would be fucking amazing! She should pull a Britbrit and rando bust out an accent. Eliza dolittle. That would be legit.
Roomie: She can blame all this on the twin. Say they never should have sent her to boarding school in England, and then cry about her drug addict sister ruining her life. BAM. Instant career rehabilitation.
Friend: OR commitment. Either way, it's an improvement.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
a new team motto
after friend recaps date and declares self kind of slutty...
roomie: i do that on all my dates
friend: well, sluts of a feather flock together.
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