Sympathy

Roomie 1: Have you seen my pants...I mean...my phone?"

Roomie 2: (laughing) I've totally lost my pants before, too.

lawyerssaywhat??

Roomie 1: I mean, she had a 484 and had FTAd and wanted to be ORed. There was no way that was going to happen.

Roomie 2: Ok - I have FTA and OR but what the hell is a 484??

Ace the hardware place

Roomie 1: Excuse me sir. We are looking for a hozzle.

(hozzle - nozzle for a hose. neither I nor the hardware man realized that any mistake had been made. Roomie 2 mocked us.)

New job

Roomie: i'm really good at spotting kidnapped kids. I should be on the kidnapped kid brigade.

Stupid Things a Newspaper Says

The Tucson Citizen decided to charge over 3 times more for its Thanksgiving edition than normal, telling readers it was because of the "value of the giant-size advertising load" in that day's paper.

It is the little things that count

Friend:it's funny the small joys you have to find in studying. for example, one of the highlights of my day was finding a way to mention VD in an outline

Who knew?

More notes from Roomie 1:

"Why we have agencies – intended to address complex issues which require intricate labor intensive tasks. Expert bodies which bring to public policy a great deal of knowledge and experience. Give the public access to policy making. Enhances democracy, correct market failures, correct market manipulations, avoid political controversy in the political branches. They also increase energy and sex appeal. Awesome"

Administrative law review

Actual notes taken by Roomie 1:

Rules to know for exam:
§553 rulemaking
- (a) applicability of APA to certain actions and things
- (b)(3) important as well
- (c) important also
- (d) aw heck why don’t you memorize the entire fucking code
§554 adjudications – hella important suckas
§555(e) only important thing in this boring ass section
§556 – hearings
- A-D are important.
§557 – don’t spend much time on
§558 and 559 are completely irrelevant – sorry we read it

1 point for the vegan cause!

Friend: Damnit. i just learned minks are cute. they look like ferrets... i thought they were mean ugly little fuckers with nice fur. damnit.

ugh.

exams make you stupid

lawstudent 1: Can you get a doctorate in law?

Roomie 1: uh, you mean something like a juris doctorate???

exams make you mean

lawstudent 1: want to study with me?

lawstudent 2: uh, no.

lawstudent 1: fine. just remember, there is no "I" in "A" but there is an "I" in "Fail".

bookstore

Roomie 1: (reading title of book at store) "I hope they have beer in hell"....

Roomie 1: Yeah! I hope it is calorie free too!!!

Roomie 2: It's HELL...

Roomie 1: Oh. Right.

i need at least 3 feet of personal space

Client: (screaming) I AM NOT MAD AT YOU!

Roomie 1: I know that sir, but you are in my bubble...

Genetics

Roomie 1: I'm sorry. I'm British. World domination runs in my genes.

Vows

Roomie 1: you can help me write my vows too:
um, uh, insert name here, you are hot. i'll totally love you as long as i can unless you get ugly or beat me. Once I realized you weren't dating your sister, it was love at first sight.

Roomie 2: She was so excited when she got home. "He's doing his own floors!" she exclaimed.

Roomie 1: yes!

at least i'm cute...

Roomie 1: *alan thinks i'm retarded and you would rather talk to illiterate *judy...awesome

He's so cute!

Roomie 2: omg, i just realized the cute guy i always talk about but you never know who i mean is in here and I've never pointed him out. he's two over from the guy i think you should find cute in the middle section. white shirt and tie

Roomie 1: ok...the one that looks like he is in highschool? rad

Roomie 2: what HS did u go to? are you talking about yours or mine?

Roomie 1: i went to a modeling school

Roomie 2: because mine does NOT look like a HS kid
Roomie 2: uh huh

Roomie 1: oooh 2 over ok..yeah ...he is like 18

Roomie 2: hate you

Roomie 1: i know

doc?

Roomie 1: Ok, i know this is weird, but i'm having an ass twitch. It is like a one ass cheek seizure over here.

where's my phone?

Roomie 2: If you were a good friend you would go downstairs and get it for me.

Roomie 1: I'll get it anyway.

Not my boyfriend!

Roomie 1: He is fun to play with. He's like my snotty tissue!

(to put this in context, the cats like to play with used tissues. endless hours of entertainment - but still an odd association).

I hear ya!

Roomie 2: Sometimes you just want fuzzy socks.

Those capitalistic mouses!

Roomie 2: Did you hear disney is building a disneyhotel in Hawaii?

Roomie 1: That is awful! (pause) Will there be a Goofy's Kitchen?

Roomie: "During Bill Clinton's pregnancy....wait, I mean pregnancy....damn it! Presidency...."

IMing in Class

Roomie 1: recent Supreme Court decision - the court rejected a freedom-of-religion claim from Catholic Charities in New York, which objected to a state law that requires them to pay for contraceptives for their employees as part of their prescription drug coverage

Roomie 2: yay supreme court!

Roomie 2: in other news: conjoined twin turtle gets new home...

psychic

Roomie 2: I just figured out what we need!

Roomie 1: COFFEE???!!

Roomie 2: No. Cake.

Roomie 1: AAAAND Coffee?

Roomie 2: Yes. And coffee.

Roomie 1: You read my mind!

the art of persuasion

Roomie 1: Wait, why did you change your mind again? I don't remember our conversation that we just had...

but where did all the strawberries go?!

Roomie 1: See, i think the problem is, you thought you ordered strawberry SHORTcake but what is actually on the menu is strawberry SHORTAGEcake...

That script just needs some gay pirates

Roomie1: I'm not going to lie. I didn't like the movie until the gay pirates showed up. They really made the movie for me.

Just like Britney

Roomie 1: Did you hear about Britney Spears?! She left the house WITHOUT pants on!

Roomie 2: So? You've come home without pants on before...

Roomie 1: Damnit

Did you remember to wash your hands?

Conversation about 3 minutes after leaving the house for a walk with the dogs...

Roomie 1: Uh Oh.

Roomie 2: What?!

Roomie 1: I forgot to pee this morning.

Roomie 2: (laughing incredulously) what?!

Roomie 1: Yeah. I mean. I went to the bathroom and put my contacts in...but you were already up so i got distracted and forgot to pee.

Birthday!

Roomie 2: Let me get this straight. You are upset because my birthday is NOT going to be crappy?

Roomie 1: No. I'm upset that I won't be able to turn your crappy birthday into a good day...

Roomie 2: You could just make it better...

Roomie 1: Or I could ruin it first and then i'd be able to turn your crappy birthday into a good one.

Don't threaten to take away Man Cards...it will bite you in the ass

Roomie #2's Dad: (To Roomie #1): IF you can't find the train, i'm taking away your woman card.

Friend Crush

Roomie 1: You totally have a friend crush on her...

Roomie 2: Yeah, thats right. I totally want to date her...

Roomie 1: No that would be a real crush...you have a friend crush...like you know when you meet someone and she is soooo cool and you just think they'd be fun to hang out with but you don't think they'd ever talk to you because they are just that cool? You know, like when you first met me - that is the feeling...

Roomie 1: I'm so depressed! I"ve just discovered my boobs are Cs not Bs

Roomie 2: So...they are the exact same boobs you had and loved yesterday. Only now you aren't delusional by thinking they are Bs.

Roomie 1: No! Yesterday I loved them because they were Bs. Now they are too big because they are Cs.

Roomie 2: They are the exact same boobs you had yesterday!

Roomie 1: I know i sound crazy...but yesterday it was ok to love them because they were Bs. I need a boob reduction now.

Roomie 2: Arrgh!

take two advil

Roomie 1: I think I'm getting better!

Roomie 2: You are turning purple...

You're going to what to work?

Roomie 1: I think I'm going to apply to work at that PD's office

Roomie 2: But it is over an hour away!

Roomie 1: Yeah but I can carpool with sarah so it won't be too bad...

Roomie 2: Yeah, I guess that wouldn't be too bad for a while...

Roomie 1: Yeah. Bike to work day is going to be a bitch though.

communication difficulties

Roomie 1's Mom: Just call me on your brother's cell when you land

Roomie 1: I dont think I have his number anymore

Roomie 1's mom: It is real easy. If you know your father's number you know your brothers. Your father's number is 0925 and your brother's is 0926.

Roomie 1: So...his cell is exactly the same as Dad's except for the last number?

Roomie 1's Mom: No. The area code is different and the first three numbers are different...

Roomie 1: So I still don't know his number then.

Roomie 1's Mom: *sigh*. Fine. I'll email the number to you.

Judge: Do you know what the most famous picture of George Washington is?

Roomie 1: Him chopping down a cherry tree?

I'm made of sugar too!

Boss: HA! It is going to get nice and cool just in time for you to leave and then it will heat up right when you get back. HA. That will teach you to take a vacation.

Roomie 1: Aha! It proves it! I AM a ray of sunshine! When i leave, the world gets a little colder.

Instant Messaging

Roomie 1: Update your blog!

Roomie 2: No.

Roomie 1: MIRA SOMETHING GUERTIN! Update your blog!

Roomie 2: It's Cathleen

You can keep it!

Roomie 1: You wouldn't happen to have some toilet paper in your purse that I may borrow, would you?

Roomie 2: Actually, Yes. But I don't want it back. You can just keep it.

now that is a good joke

I laughed so hard i farted

Movies

Roomie 1: (checking arm rests at movie theatre to see if they lift up) "Aww. We can't even cuddle!"

and your voice is felonious

Roomie 1: "he said I had an excellent misdemeanor when I spoke..."

Roomie 2: you are committing crimes already?

Genius!

Un-Roomie: "Accidentally Brilliant!"

Goatland?

Roomie 1: I'm hungry.

Roomie 2: (opens purse) I'm sorry.

Roomie 1: OOH! do you have tofu in there?

Roomie 2: No. All i have is a la bou card.

Roomie 1: Is it edible?

Roomie 2: Not unless your family comes from goats

Roomie 1: Naw. we're british.

WebMD

Roomie 1: I think I have aquagenic pruritis....

Roomie 2: That sounds deadly.

Post-its

Excerpt from note by Roomie 1 to Roomie 2: Please disregard the blood on the kitchen floor.

Work...

Roomie 1: I got my very first prostitute!

Roomie 2: YAY!!!

appointment

Roomie 1: I don't know what time my appointment is tomorrow...

Roomie 2: Great. After you just told me I could delete the message from the doctor...

Roomie 1: Yeah...I know...

Roomie 2: Didn't they give you a card?

Roomie 1: Oh yeah! they did! .............................................. um...have you seen it around somewhere?

kisses!

Roomie 1: You don't need to lick me after you've eaten venison...

Positive Thinking

Looking into mirror: DAMN! That's tasty! I wanna piece of me!

Vacation

Roomie 1: Um, why does the whole house smell like pee?

Roomie 2: It does?

Roomie 1: ......

Doctors in the house!

Watching Grey's last night and the uterus of a patient did something funky...

Roomie 1: Oh MY GOD! your uterus can erupt? EEEWW. Reason 1 billion why you shouldn't do labor
Roomie 2: You should write that book. Reason 1: It hurts. Reason 2: Your uterus can erupt.

Ass Cookie

Eww....Can I have another one?

Finals

Boss: How are finals going.
Roomie 1: uh...pretty well i think.
Boss: How many do you have left.
Roomie 1: oh. uh. 4.
Boss: (laughs) then yeah. they probably can't be going poorly at this point. you have them all left.

we require renters to have doctors

Klassy

I know, I know. I'm Classy with a K

roomie 1: i know i know. Even though i know how crappy the donut is, i still want it...you know what i mean?

roomie 2: uh....

booty crack!

roomie 1 (bending over - ass crack showing): Do you like my ass?
roomie 2: I do. I live for the moments when i get to see your booty crack...fortunately i never have to wait that long...

oh burn!

"relationship? this is more like a retardationship..."

Problem solving..

Roomie 1: You didn't not read any of it. I would know.

Roomie 2: You would know if i didn't not read any?

Roomie 1: Yeah.

Roomie 2: Laughs

Roomie 1: You laugh but it is true

Roomie 2: I'm just laughing at your double negative

Roomie 1:...Titan (the dog). Bite her. She is wrong.

I seem to recall this one time when one of us said you could get TB from a toilet seat...

Welcome!

we just started this blog because we are always saying stupid stuff to one another when no one is around. We decided we needed to write these famous quotations down in case one of us ever becomes so famous this would embarass us.