Friend: I had a dream about you and Hot Guy...you were getting married...to Hot Guy...and i was like "wait, but roomie... he's gay and NOT your boyfriend/fiancee/husband....!" and you said, "he's not really gay, he just says that..."
Friend: and i woke up like, "wait, is Friend marrying her gay sometimes best friend?"Roomie: well i promise if i ever say i'm marrying him you can kidnap me and/or ruin the wedding
Friend: i apologize right now for the fact that if you marry him i will absolutely stand up with a laundry list of reasons why you shouldn't marry him when the priest asks people if they want to hold their peace.
Roomie: I would expect nothing less from you - marrying him would be the dumbest thing i've ever done
Friend: and it won't matter if you don't invite me, i'll find out.
Friend: and i'll show up.
Friend: even if there are bouncers, i'll take them out.
Roomie: i'd have to invite you. you are supposed to be maid of honor lol. i'd be like "let the shit show begin!"
Friend: "Friend, i luh him." "STFU! i will punch you in the ovaries. DON"T MAKE ME WATERBOARD YOU!!!"
Friend: splash. "what are we doing today?!!!" "i'm marrying hot gu---" SPLASH "help help! stop! pleas-glub glub glub--plea--glub glub, SPLASH!!--i hate him! i hate him!" "WHAT ARE WE DOING TODAY?!!!" "i'm marryin--SPLASH!! glub glub glub" "WHAT RE WE DOING TODAY!!!????" "silence..." "Roomie? Roomie??!!??!! oh shit... Mr Attorney? hey, it's Friend, yes, i know you're engaged... i have a problem... i need you to help me hide a body..."
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