this is why everyone needs a manager

"Dear" KFC,
It has been brought to my attention that on Monday, August 25, 2011 you appeared at The Duck Club Restaurant in Palo Alto, California dressed in blue jeans and a tee shirt and without benefit of a shave. The dress code at The Duck Club Restaurant in Palo Alto, California is "Business Casual" not "Shifty and Ghetto." The dress code for being the social escort of Roomie is "Sharp and Submissive" not "Slovenly and Pathetic." While it could be argued that covering your chubby cheeks with fur might be a marginal improvement, the actual effect gave the appearance of a rather dim-witted howler monkey with a hormonal imbalance.

It has also been brought to my attention that when you appeared on Monday, August 25, 2011 at The Duck Club Restaurant in Palo Alto, California in your disheveled and inappropriate condition,(By the way, do you have any conception of what appropriate is, or is your social competence on a par with your clothing selection skills?), you failed to pay for Roomie's food and beverage. Due to this egregious (Do you even know what "egregious" means? Get your mommy to help you with the big words, when you get home to her tonight.) faux pas (see previous note) Ms. Roomie will not be accompanying you on any further social occasions until she receives a Visa card in her name on your account. Please pay any charges which are placed on this card immediately, so that Ms. Roomie always has the full credit line at her disposal. Otherwise, she will be forced to go over the limit, and you will be forced to pay fees that should have been spent on her. If this occurs, please send cash to Ms. Roomie in the amount of the fees, to make restitution for your financial irresponsibility.

Ms. Roomie will be using this card to make the monthly payments on her student loans, as well. It will be your honor and privilege to relieve her of this noisome duty. In return for this, Roomie will, if convenient to her, accompany you on up to two noisome social outings per month. Don't call her, she will call you. If you call or attempt to call her, you will forfeit all social outings for two months. Roomie has located a Dogloo in the garbage room of her apartment building in case you need to stay over. Please don't bark at the rats.
As degrading as this arrangement may seem to you, remember that it is far more degrading to Roomie to even know you.

Sincerely,

Business Manager,
Roomie Enterprises